I can’t find my breath

until I do and it’s so shallow.

I can’t find my voice

until I do and no one can hear me.

I can’t find my words

Until I do, but they come out wrong.

I don’t even know if they are my words

They may be what you want me to say.

I want you to like me.

I can’t find my reflection

until I do and then I turn away.

I can’t find my worth

until I do and you go away.

I can’t find my feelings

until I do, but then they go away.

I can’t find myself.

It was scared out of me in the middle of the night.

It was spun out of me in the chaos of my life.

Until I do in the middle of my life

When she comes knocking at my door on a cold winter day.

I hear her gentle voice and her words

I see her vibrant tomboy self clutching her Curious George.

I feel her fear and loneliness

I feel her breath grow deep in her belly as she holds me tight.

I feel her losing herself

I catch her and we begin again.

The song is The Best Imitation of Myself by Ben Folds